Three Makes Baby Podcast

Ally discovered she was donor conceived in January 2019. Since then, she has discovered over a dozen half-siblings and is still coming to terms with her new reality. Ally discusses the complexities of discovering and managing relationships with multiple half-siblings and "the process" of growth she has gone through. She shares things she would do differently now that almost a year has past since her discovery. Ironically, Ally also discovered this year that she and her husband would need treatment to have a baby, as her parents did 30 years ago. Ally, compassionately reflects on what her parents must have gone through, especially now that she is facing infertility herself.

 

Thirty years ago, Fran's fertility doctor told to keep her donor conception a secret. She headed that advice against her intuition but when her daughter found out the truth as an adult, she regretted not being honest with her from the start. Grief and anger came up all over again. Fran describes the late discovery as disorienting to the entire family. She had to remember the good times by playing old cassette tapes again. Ultimately, Fran realized that her daughter needed her understanding. "It wasn’t about me, it was about her. I was still her mother, I was still the adult in this relationship.”  Fran says that, “People like me that have older children, have to join forces to make things for the better.” 

Cassandra found out her father wasn't her biological dad from a DNA test in 2017. A mother herself, Cassandra had to re-work her sense of identity and navigate the complicated family dynamics that unfolded after discovering this 35-year secret. Broken trust and broken family relationships motivated Cassandra to make a difference. She advocates for the rights of donor-conceived individuals across various platforms @cassandrajadams. She is the moderator for the Facebook group Donor Conceived.

Learn more from individuals who were donor conceived on YouTube.

 

 

Liz would like to know more about the women that helped her become pregnant with her children. After she lost her baby girl at 21 weeks gestation due to a heart defect, it was hard to move on to another donor. She was attached to the embryos, her baby’s biological potential siblings but the dream of them died.  The clinic kept the information from the donor about the baby’s heart defect and has kept Liz from contacting the donor.

Her episode brought up some ethical questions: 
Shouldn’t the baby’s heart defect be shared with the donor if it could prevent the donor from having a complication with pregnancy in the future? 
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Should doctors and agencies keep donors and parents apart if they want contact? 
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The solution to this is to work with a program that has a registry or use the DSR in the US. 
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Leave your comments below. Let’s advocate for change together. 

Colleen experienced infertility and her doctor recommended that she use an egg donor to conceive, but donor conception had turned her life upside down. Her own donor conception was concealed until she discovered the truth through a DNA test. Her biological dad was actually a medical student who donated his sperm anonymously.

Finding out she was donor-conceived later in life caused Colleen an existential crisis, but things also begin to make sense to her. She recalled a family gathering when her dad was looking at her hands and said, “You have a crooked pinky finger!” “I have a crooked pinky finger!” The man that raised her passed away before she discovered the truth and she felt like she lost him all over again. .

Experiencing infertility and being donor conceived, Colleen has a unique perspective, “I see a lot of hurt from people who are infertile and who are donor conceived and it’s not a tragedy competition.”  Listen on your morning commute in iTunes.

 

What happens when 100 people collaborate to express their experiences around miscarriage? Listen to this epi to find out.

Infertility grief isn't widely recognized or understood by the public. Learn about the grieving process and why miscarriage after infertility is a more complicated type of grief.

Music: Half Mystery by Kevin Macleod

Therapy helped Brit accept that her and her husband's baby would not share DNA with her. She shares how she had to let go of the fantasy children that she wouldn’t have, so she could accept the baby that was coming. She believes she’s going to get the ‘“little soul” she was meant to have. 
Also, discussed in this episode are the epigenetic misconceptions that lead mother’s to believe they could pass their DNA on to their egg donor conceived baby. We talk about making an extra effort to help your child feel like they are part of the tribe when they are genetically different. 

Music: Half Mystery by Kevin Macleod

Jana Rupnow explains the passion behind Three Makes Baby and why she loves working with   with families who don't share the same genes. 

Nikita was raised by a single mom who chose sperm donation to have her. The donation was out of the ordinary: a 50-year-old anonymous man donated sperm in the UK before 1997. Listen to see if you can help her find the man that helped conceive her. If you have any information to share, email nikitatrue1997@gmail.com.

 

Music: Half Mystery by Kevin Macleod

A brief introduction to the types of interviews you will hear on Three Makes Baby Podcast including stories about infertility, donor conception, adoption and the role of genetics in family life.

 

Three Makes Baby podcast gives you a glimpse into the emotions and psychology behind infertility.  
Host Jana Rupnow, fertility psychotherapist and author of Three Makes Baby-How to Parent Your Donor-Conceived Child, takes a deep dive with her guests, revealing unspoken truths when baby-making doesn’t go as planned.
This podcast informs and raises awareness about the psychosocial issues created by advances in reproductive technology and the skills needed to navigate these new families narratives.

Music: Half Mystery by Kevin Macleod